RATED "R"... SMALL CHILDREN, THE SEXUALLY REPRESSED AND THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT SHOULD ALL TURN BACK NOW.

Here is a free tip for all guys who are unsure as to how to go about turning a woman on. . .texting 40 times a day does not work. It just seems pathetic and clawingly eager.  And when those texts are dripping with what seems like a desperate attempt to make it as a really bad erotica writer...well, that just makes it worse.  Seriously. It's not sexy, it's not endearing. It's barely flattering. It's really just sad, and kind of a pain in the ass.  Don't get me wrong - telling me exactly what you want to do to me when you see me, or what you want me to do to you, is a turn on. But when you tell me every 20 seconds or so, it stops being adorable, and instead, it just makes me want to punch you in the head when I see you.

Now, to be clear, I am far from a prude. This bit of advice is coming from a bisexual woman who is into S&M exclusively.  When I have sex that most would consider to be "normal", i find myself so bored after a couple of minutes that I just want to kill myself. Or him/her for boring me. Or perhaps both of us.  I do like to get those types of texts once in a while, when Im not expecting it. They're fun, and sexy, and they make me want to go find the person sending them - IMMEDIATELY.   And that's the desired effect, right?  So why would you want to do something in excess that when done in moderation, is perfect, but in excess, it has the opposite effect? You wouldnt (I hope).  So stop it, guys!! Take a minute to think about what you're doing. Before you click the send botton on your cell phone, first consider whether or not she has already received a similar text from you at least 3 times that day. If the answer is yes, then do not send! Of course, everyones maximums are different, but for me, my max is 3. After that it starts to get a little creepy.

Aside from the creppy desperate factor, it can also get kind of scary. Stalker-esque. Especially if the woman you're texting can hear a well defined threatening tone to the "this is what im gonna do to you" texts.  But hey - if creepy violent stalker is what you're going for, then go right ahead, but if not, then knock it off!

As you may have figured out, Im in the middle of trying to work something of this nature out at the moment. Like I said, Im kind of a freaky-deak, and I don't scare easily at all...but this shit is seriouly freaking me out. To the point that i really dont even want to keep the date we have coming up.  This guy may be the nicest guy in the world, but the only picture in my mind I can seem to hold onto, is that of me walking myself right into a horrible situation from which i cant get out. 

But that's the nature of the beast. S&M is just like that (usually. At least is is for a Sub. I suppose it depends on what you're into).  You trust that everything will be ok, but if its not, then there's really not a ton you can do about it. Technically, i suppose it is sort of what I signed on for. I 've never had any illusions about the level of risk involved. But what makes it ok is the fact that when you can trust someone who has you in a compromising position, such as being bound for example, then you can pretty much always trust them.  Knowing how badly things could have gone, and knowing that they didnt go badly at all, is a turn-on in itself. Trust is important. Having a place and a way to let go of the freakishly tight controlling death grip you have on your whole life is very important.  Sometimes, a person just needs to let it all go, and without trust, that cant happen. At least not safely. 

Allow me to explain away a disturbingly common misconception. Alot of people think that Submissives give away their right to say "no". That is catagorically untrue. Sometimes, the word "no" is replaced by another word or with a signal of some sort, but whatever word or sign you're supposed to use to stop everything is well established ahead of time and is binding - no matter what activities you get into. Even in the case of bondage, the person being bound still has the right to stop everything dead in it's tracks. You are never left without a means to do that. Unfortunately, While you are bound, your means to bring your festivities to a halt is soley the right to tell them to stop what they are doing.  Once that request is made, it is up to them to do so.  But like any other situation outside of S&M, if they choose to deny your request/demand for them to stop, then they turn a great freaky night into a rape.  Doms are not immune to the label of Rapist. They are not allowed to refuse your genuine request for them to stop.  But regardless of what the unwritten rulebook says, when you allow yourself to be restrained, you are ultimately giving them control of the evening. You are giving them an easier choice then most guys get. It is damn near impossible for a women to get out from under a rapist when she does physically have the ability to fight him.  When you are tied to a bed, you're not going anywhere. So no, we do not give up all rights to our bodies that are afforded to us by law. We just put ourselves in situations wherein trust is exceedingly important.

So is this guy just trying his best to play up to what Im used to, but going about it in a creepy way? Or is he a creepy, stalkery, genuinely violent guy? I guess I wont know until after our date. Assuming I keep it...And to be clear, I'm not an idiot. I didnt pick some random guy up on the internet. I knew him a very long time ago, and although I dont really remember him much, based on what I do remember, I am inclined to believe that he is really a nice guy who is just still kind of new to the whole notion of being "the sadistic guy".  He'll probably get a handle on it eventually, and then, with or without me around, he'll stop being so scary. If that's the case, then Id be proud to be the one who turns him around.  If he really is who he seems to be, then I guess I'm kinda screwed. Hopefully, all the concerns I have will turn out to be my imagination running a bit wild and scaring me.

keeping my fingers crossed
-DP